I used to think that September 29, 1998 was pretty much the worst day of my life, it was the day that I had to say goodbye to Carson when he left on his mission. Not a day that I would ever want to relieve again. Well today was worse then that day, if that is possible! Today is the day that I have been trying to imagine what it would be like, but hoping that a miracle would happen, so that we wouldn't have to live today. Today is the day that I realize how sad I am that we had such short notice of Carson's layoff at the end of last year. Today is the day that when my alarm went off I wanted to pretend it didn't, I mean if I didn't get up then today wouldn't have to go on right? Today is a day that I wished that I could have protected my kids from ever having to go through. Today is the day that I realized in nearly 8 1/2 years of being married to Carson that the longest we have ever been apart from each other is 6 days. Today is a day that my love grew and grew for my handsome, fabulous, terrific, Spectacular, and hard working husband! Today is the day that I feel strange, a feeling of emptiness, a feeling of not being complete; like there is something missing! Today I feel weird knowing that I am going to be a single parent for awhile. Today I feel a serious kick in high gear of over protectiveness towards my kids, I am wanting them to be right by me at all times! Today is the day that we said goodbye to Carson for four months, something I would not recommend to anyone!
I miss him, I mean we miss him! My kids don't understand how long four months really is. Alec just wishes that he was only going to be gone fore 20 days and Marcus wishes we could move there. Olivia keeps wondering on what day Daddy will be home. Although they don't understand the amount of time he is going to be gone, they do understand a serious change is happening. Today is the day that my kids have cried a lot for many minor things, but during every tear that they have shed, my heart breaks a little more because I realize they are sad because they know Daddy is gone!
Like I said, today is a day that I wish never happened. Unfortunately today did happen, so today I realized I need to be a big girl and face my fears! I am a Mama Bear to 4 children who need a strong stable mom, so some how that is what I will be!
Day 1 is over, many more to go. But Big Daddy we love you and we are so proud of what a hard worker you are! We look forward to seeing you and now I can imagine what it will be like having you home!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
You can do it Cortney!!! Carson is a good man to go and you are a strong women to let him do what he has to do. We are here for you. Don't be afraid to call. We love you and pray for you and know that you are a very capable women.
Good luck! I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be on your own for that long. If you need anything don't hesitate to call.
(We had tons of fun Saturday and also I forgot to refrigerate my leftovers, so grr, because I know right now you care about my leftovers.)
Thanks you guys! Lots of prayers are needed this way.... And yes Jenny I do care about your leftovers because Carsons was so dang good that I am feeling bad for you that you didn't get to eat yours!
you'll be fine and if you need a break just call :)
I can't believe he is gone!!! I have no idea how hard this is on you, but we love you guys and if you ever need ANYTHING know that Reggie and I are just a call away!!! Love you,
I'm sorry you guys have to go through this. But, if anyone can do it Courtney you can! Know I'm just a phone call away. Hugs!
Hang in there! You CAN do it! You have to. Being a mom, you don't get a choice. I can truly empathize. David is on deployment #8. Added up, we have been without our daddy/hubby for 3 years!! There are days when I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but I can't. I have 3 kids who need me to keep being mom. Here's what I know (since apparently I am full of wisdom today! :>)... keep busy. (not that 4 kids doesn't automatically put you in overdrive!) Busy overrides the lonelies (as we call them at my house). Secondly, Let people help you. I stink at this one. We want to be superwomen. or at least appear to be. Don't be afraid, or ashamed to ask for help. Thirdly, SKYPE! (free web cast with live video feed). I can't tell you what a difference it makes. The kids feel like daddy isn't so far away because they can see him. It helps them put a face to a conversation. It's free so we can chat whenever our schedules permit. (skype.com). Lastly, prayer. Nothing will take away the lonliness, frustration, tears, anger, and helplessness, but prayer sure does help!! 4 months is a long time and I can't imaginge trying to be a single parent that long without a lot of prayer. If you need a listening ear who understands, especially when you want to sell all your kids to the circus and run away from home :>, just call!! You are one amazing woman and you will survive! Good luck!! Lot's of love- Krisha
So sad to read this. . . I guess I need to check private blogs more often. I really hope you're hanging in there. I almost called you today, wondered if you happened to be in Ogden.
Post a Comment