Holy Cow, I have 4 Kids.....

Four Beautiful kids.....

We had Nicole take the kids picture right before Christmas in their Christmas Church clothes. I love the way they turned out. I realize that with four kids at all different ages you are not going to get a photo with that perfect smile all at once, but I just love the way these turned out with their own personality showing through!

At the end of the day when all the kids are in bed I often think to myself, "holy cow I have 4 kids!" It sometimes seems so weird to me, I mean my mom has 4 kids and she is my mom! Can I really be old enough to have 4 kids of my own?!! Although it often feels strange to me, I do have to say that I love it! Bringing number 4 into our home as been a little bit different under our circumstances right now. Having Carson home a lot is a lot different then when we had the other 3 kids. It is wonderful, but we know this can't last forever, nor do we want it too. It has been nice though on the recovery side of things! I love that this time around that I was able to relax and heal while getting to know Payton. There was many days during the first couple of weeks that Payton and I just laid on my bed, him on my chest, getting to know one another. It is nice that the other 3 are old enough that Carson could take all of them sledding, or whatever else he had on the agenda! Payton is a great addition to our family! He is so sweet and is just a wonderful baby, he is even better when he can get all snuggled up on mommy's chest!

Over the last 7 weeks I have thought a lot about being a mom and how much I enjoy it. After having Payton I have had a hard time thinking that he is my last, that I will never feel another baby kick in my stomach again, that I will never get to meet another child for the first time again, and the list can go on and on... But at the same time I feel complete, my family feels like we are all here! I realize how extremely blessed we have been and I want to just be able to enjoy every second of it. I realize that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, I just can't wait to see what is in store for us. At times I think would I have loved to give Olivia a sister, yes of course I would, but I also realize that for some reason I have been in trusted with 3 boys to teach them about being a man! A man that holds the Priesthood worthily, a man who goes on a mission to teach about all the wonderful things that they have been blessed with while having the gospel in their lives, a man who treat a women with love and respect, a man who knows the importance of providing for his family, and to be an example to their sister to teach her what she deserves in life. It often scares me, I feel like I have a huge responsibility to get my boys were they need to be in 20 + years. At the same time I feel confident that we can do it, I mean Heavenly Father thinks that we can do it!

I love my children so much! After having Alec and realizing that you can have more then one child and your heart just grows to love them just as much as the first one. I never doubted that I could love another child. But when I look at this picture of my four beautiful children it just amazes me that my heart can be so full of love for each one of them! I love that they are not the same, each one brings so much personality and love to our home that your heart is able to grow in so many different ways because you love them all so differently. I love that they all have different strengths and weakness, but my biggest fears is that I will miss teaching or guiding to full fill what they need most with their own personalities.

When I was little, I was the "middle" child who thought that my mom couldn't possibly love me like she did my older sister or my younger siblings. That kills me know, I hope that my kids don't ever think that, but I am sure they will throughout their life, but I just pray that at some point in their lives they will realize just how much I loved them!

I am so grateful that I am mom! A mom to 3 handsome boys and 1 beautiful princess (1 very girly princess)!!! I also am thankful that I can endure parenthood with Carson! I am one blessed Momma!!!!